Drink It All Away

Everyday I wake as I went to sleep,
Wanting, Ready to kill the light,
Afraid to hurt someone I, just, weep,

I keep walking and walking,
I lie, I lie, it’s alright, I’m alright,
But it’s not true...

Only pain hides what I feel inside,
I’m ready to lose the fight,
I’m so sick of how I feel inside,

So I drink it all away,
...
And so I drink it all away,
...
So I drink it all away,
...
And so I drink it all away,

Some people think they’re so wise,
But I seem to be the only one who knows,
For me there is no paradise,

I can’t wait, no I can’t wait,
Tomorrow may be for you,
But today is enough for me,
Yesterday was already too late,

Some say “look to the future”,
“Where everything will be ok”,
But I only see gray,
My future only holds a grave,

So I drink it all away,
...
And so I drink it all away,
...
So I drink it all away,
...
And so I drink it all away,

What can I say? what can I say?
There is only one thing I want,
A bed in where I can lay...

I dream, dreams of you and me...
But I can never escape,
Run from what’s inside me,

I’ve been holding on, for too long,
But I’m not that strong,
And that’s why I say,
“I can’t go on”...

There is something wrong, it’s true...
I call for help, but nobody listens,
I scream but no one listens!
Nobody cares.. I’m sure that’s unfair,

So I drink it all away,
I scream it all, again and again,
But I can only drink it away,
Slowly killing, the pain…
Drifting away...

Runner

Run! Run never look back,
Run! Run from all these nightmares,
Run! Run from my forever hidden past,
Run! Run away to the end of time,

I run, never stop, never ever face my fears,
I know some day I must look back and face my broken past,
For now I know there is no stopping me,
Nobody will ever stop me, not them and not even you,

No! No! No! I’ll never stop!!!
I will never stop!!!

Back then I looked all around me, but all I saw was the world crushing down,
Never had any where to go, I was just in the middle of everything,
Now all I hear are just some broken memories, of you screaming in my head,
And I know no matter what I do, it will just be thrown to the ground,

I know what I did, I know what I lived
I know I will never remember my past,
I don’t want to, I don’t have to,
And now you know why I run.

No need to say,
I know I’m a runner.


(Written on September 2013)

.--. . .-. ... --- -. .- .-.. .. - -.--

A faceless man,
A fake .--. . .-. ... --- -. .- .-.. .. - -.--
He is what it fits better,
It’s a lie he tells .... .. -- ... . .-.. ..-.
More than .... . / - . .-.. .-.. ... / .. - / - --- you,

You may - .... .. -. -.- it’s wrong,
But don’t curse at him,
He ain’t the only --- -. .

Hatter

-.. . . .-. / ... .--. .. .-. .. -

Walking through the streets,
With a human face,
I see what they don’t seem to be able to see,
I see monsters,
I see beasts,
And I see beneath most masks,
I see .... --- .-.. .-.. --- .--

There in the middle of the confusion,
I saw it,
Naked,
Unafraid,
.- / ... .--. .. .-. .. -
Silent,
No one else seemed to see it,
It looked at me,
It saw right through me,

.- / -.. . . .-.
... .--. .. .-. .. - / --- ..-. / - .... . / ..-. --- .-. . ... -
Slowly looked forward,
And started to walk,
Majestically,
As if it were alone,
No wall could stop it,
For it went...
.-. .. --. .... - / - .-. --- ..- --. ....

Bog Update [2]

This is another Blog update.

As you may have noticed I haven't posted anything in awhile. I am already two weeks late on the "Making of the Goat Mask" Series. This is one of the reasons I am doing this update.

I will do my best to continue to post those, and others. But because of things happening that I didn't anticipated, i now have a lot of difficulties to write the posts and even continue the project in a regular manner. Nor others that I had in mind and some even already started.

Unfortunately, I am only human…

With this said, it may be a while until I post anything again, or at least big things like the continuation of the Goat Mask. I will sometimes try and post small things.

The making of "The Goat" mask [13]

Since I was stuck I was doing other things, other projects but once in awhile thinking of how to get over this problem. I told my ceramics professor about this problem I was having. The good thing is, although he is my ceramics professor, he also works with many different materials, and has a lot of experience in this things.
He told me that I could by an acid, that is very cheap and available almost everywhere, mix it with small metal pieces in order to make that the acid will only corrosive enough clean the metal parts making it easier to solder together.

The acid is muriatic acid, and the metal has to be small zinc plates. This process has to be done outside because of the toxic fumes that come out of it, and in a thick small glass recipient. The process has also to be done very slowly or it will heat up to a point where the glass won't take it, and crack. (I do not have any images of this process, in case you’re wondering.)

But before I would do any of this I wanted to try if it would work. So After talking with my teacher I brought a little bit of the wire and the solder I was using so that I could try with him. Because who knows, maybe it won't work either way… Since he already had a little bit of this acid concoction, it was no problem for him.

And so I did, I once brought a little bit of the wire and the solder. We first heated a wire part with a soldering wire and with a paint-brush wet with the acid cleaned that hot part. Afterwards, while still heating it, we put the two wires together and la little bit of solder. 2-3 Seconds later it was soldered together. It worked.

(I've been searching for a picture, as soon as I find it I'll edit it in this post)

I now had a way to make my horns. I also tested how strong it was by pulling the two wires apart trying to break it. Eventually it broke, bun only with a lot of pressure.


Now I just had to find and buy muriatic acid, and the zinc plates. The zinc plate could be farrelly big, I would cut it to the size I wanted / needed.

Little One

S

The making of "The Goat" mask [12]

The horns were proving to be a big problem that I needed to overcome. So I kept drawing new different ways to do them, and trying to do them. Than I had the idea of using a different material.

I thought of using some kind of metal, but didn't had the means to make it, and also I didn't want to make the mask unbearably heavy.

I later got the idea of making the horns out of thick wire, that I found in a store, I could shape it in the forms I wanted and than soldering it together. I already had a soldering rod. So I started working on it.

Here was where I found another problem, my soldering rod didn't seem to be hot enough to be able to solder them together. So I thought to by a new one, one that could get hotter. So I bought one, but still I was faced with the same problem.

I tried many ways to do this, but with no prevail... At this point I was stuck, and in my eyes with no way to get out of this point. The only way would have to be for me to bye a big equipment in order to be able to do arc welding.

J

The making of "The Goat" mask [11]

I started by making a sheet of plastic with polymorph, and also I drew circles in a paper in order to make a perfect or near perfect spiralling horn. Also so after drawing it I could possible see which of the two choices could be better, The horns going inwards or outwards.

Here you can see the plastic sheet and an outline drawing of the plastic sheet.
I came across more than one problem in this part. The big one was that cutting this material in a spiral shape, especially when it goes to the middle of the plastic sheet. Other problem was how to get a spiral that would feel right, and not hand made.

So at this point I came to a point that I couldn't go further. I tried other ways to do the horns. Some different ways that could be easier than doing it this way.

Some of the ways where:

- make many triangles of different sizes and than melt them together in a horn shape.

- make many rectangular sheets of plastic and melt them together like the one above or close to it.

- other way was to make tree long plastic rods and make it in a long triangle, than melt it in a way that it would become horn shape, afterwards use some plastic sheets to make the outside.
- and some others.


In the end, all of them where really difficult, to make for different reasons. Some for the complexity, or the many different parts. Other problem that came across was the lack of stability.

The making of "The Goat" mask [10]

Now that I had the face and the chin in an advanced I decided to jump to the next part, the horns.

In order to begin making the horns I had to decide how I wanted them. By this I mean, if I wanted the horns to roll inside or out. As it is shown on the pictures underneath.

               Horns outwards                             |                Horns Inwards

The next step was for me to chose the form of the horns, at this point I knew I wanted them to have a rough look, and a kind of rings that are thicker or higher than the rest of it. Like goats have.
So after looking at many different pictures of goats and horns, I saw something that could be good and helpful to this part of the project. It was that many goat horns aren't round by themselves, but triangular shaped. It meant that I could make 3 different sheets of plastic and than heat them together.

So with all this information I decided to make it triangular because it seemed to be the easiest way, and also making it easier to make both of the horns close to the same shape and form.

The making of "The Goat" mask [9]

At this point I thought of making some teeth to attach on the jaw. I thought on making them fairly big and separately, after they were done I would heat the jaw in the part where I would want the teeth, and press them in.

Some of the teeth

It was around this time that I came across a little problem. Since the jaw was the first thing I did with the plastic it came out very thick. It isn't a big problem the thing is that it's much thicker than the face part.

So in order to correct this a little bit, I destroyed it and made a new one, a simpler and thinner one.

The new simpler jaw

The new simpler jaw

As you can see, it is much thinner than the previous one.
Later I decided to change the teeth to thinner ones, but since have no pictures of them and I'm talking about it an the jaw I thought it would make no harm to tell it now.
Also you may thing that all that I did before with the other jaw was unnecessary, or that at least I could let it out of this posts and jump right to the next part. But as I said before, this is the process of how it was done, with all the error and decisions changes.

The making of "The Goat" mask [8]

At this point I can start to understand better how the final project, the final aspect of the mask will look like. At this point I can almost see what the limitations I have with the material.

As you can see in the red part of the mask, there are imperfections. I decided to leave some of them and give the mask a rougher look to it. It isn't that I cant fix things like this, this material is really good for it. But since this is inspired in an animal I thought it would be a good idea not to make it perfect, you will notice this theme further on.
My idea is that nature is imperfect, but at the same time, I want to make everything in this mask very similar, not simply do it any way and call it art, or just put work into one side of the mask and leave the other because it's too much work. It has to look like it is part of the same idea, it just doesn't need to be exactly like the other part/ side on a microscopical level.

Also.
What I can't show you in this project is the work done in between all of this parts, like the changing of ideas, the drawings/ sketches to see where it is going. Since when I started this project I didn’t thought of making a documentation of the project it self, that only came when I found out that some people I showed it to were interested, and also because some of the ideas, and changing of them, were only in my head and sometimes it was while I was walking in the street, never actually taking them out of there.
What I also can't show you is how long each part of this takes. I don't usually time it, and sometimes I come back to a particular part of the mask over and over again, and because of that it's difficult to tell.
Still I can tell you that the first time I do thing takes longer than the second. For example; the holes in this mask, the first was the left eye, it took allot of time and I also cut my hands many times, but with time and effort I found better ways to do it, not just different tools, but different skills like different positions to hold the knife/ box-cuter etc. The second eye was really quick and easy to do, because I had the experience and all the tricks that I learned by doing the first one.

I know this post wasn't exactly a next step on the process, but what goes through and in between the parts I post.

The making of "The Goat" mask [7]

At this point I needed to make holes so I could see and breathe with my nose.

At first I tried to cut it with a knife or a box cutter, but it was no use. It barely made a scratch. So With a heating gun I decided to heat a certain part of the mask and there i could cut it much easier. Ant it worked, but it still wasn’t easy, but I could at least make it like this.

It was very sloppy and it had very sharp ends.

At this point I found small wood carving tools, very sharp and small, great for what I needed.

Now the say I did it was basically the same as before, but in order to make it better, after I made the bigger hole, I would only heat a little of the edges in order to make them a little softer, and I worked the material like that. And afterwards I would heat them again and rub the edges less sharp.

After this it was a working on the holes to make it fit my face better.

The making of "The Goat" mask [6]

Now the next step was to make the upper face for the mask. So, fist I thought on making a mold of my head, but soon threw that idea way, since I had no idea how I would make one with what I had. Than I thought on making a face with aluminium foil and make it over, but soon I came to the conclusion that it was more difficult than I thought.

With playing around with the Polymorph I found that I could pass it through cold water and the outside part of the plastic would become just a little but harder, making it still possible to mold, but not being as hot as it once was, or sticky.

So, first I started to make a flat sheet with that plastic, and still heating it up in a recipient with boiling water. When I managed to get a size I thought would be enough I proceeded by bringing it to my bathroom.

It's hard to see, but there is a plastic sheet in there.

I laid myself in the shower with cold water running, than I took the sheet of plastic, passed it once through cold water and pressed it to my face. Pressing it to become the shape of my face. With cold water it made it hard extremely fast, and I only had to lay there for about 5 to 10 min.

Now I had the shape of my face, and the upper part of face of the mask.

The face mask right after it was made, illuminated from under it

The face mask seen from the inside

Cowboy

The making of "The Goat" mask [5]

With a recipient full of boiling water I started to bend both of the parts I previously made. In this part I had to change the water to heat it again. In order to make it easier I used two similar recipients, this way I could change the pieces living them always in hot water, and then heat he water from the other one.

In the picture above you can see the recipient with the hot water and both pieces of the jaw inside. The spoon is so I could touch and move both pieces without burning myself. You can also see the piece in the left is see trough in the upper part. That is how the material looks like when it's possible to mold.

In this part I had to be careful because if I let the piece till like this for too long it would start to stick to the recipient.

After working on this a while I finally had the form that I wanted. And so, like you can see in the picture above, I dipped the points in the hot water to the point they became to the point of fusion and than I fused them together.

You can see in the pictures above that the union wasn't perfectly centered, but that wasn't a problem because I could make the line vanish by heating it and molding it.

From Within

The making of "The Goat" mask [4]

Now that I had the basic ideas ready, I filled a recipient with hot boiling water put the quantity of plastic that I thought would be enough for the chin.

With it at the point that I could mold, sometimes I took it out and pressed everything together, in order to make a more uniform shape, and closer to how i wanted it.
After some time I got it in a shape that was close to what I wanted. I than passed through cold water, in order to make it become hard without having to wait a long time.

As you can see in the picture above they are about the same size, but the one on the right is a little bit longer.
I made sure they were about the same in every way but I could change it in case it wasn't.

The next point was to put both parts together, but for that to happen both had to be bent, before or after putting'em together.
I decided to bend them first and only after put it together.

And so I did...